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Enough already.

You’re a multi-million album selling artist with history and a fan base, I am in a new band with no fans and no way to make any money or expand on the grass roots scene.

I don’t care if you can sell at the price your fans dictate, because paying your rent isn’t dependent on the income from that release.

I don’t care if you think selling a million copies to a phone company is ‘futuristic’, when I call up my phone supplier it takes me 30 minutes to get through to the call centre and there’s no ‘Press 8 To Go Platinum’ option being offered to me even when I do get through.

We haven’t had years and years and years of label and management support. We haven’t had planned marketing and PR campaigns in order to reach an audience.

We haven’t had a booking agent who can secure us slots at major festivals because he also books Two Door Cinema Club & Sons.

We’re not friends with bands in the NME because we live in Swindon. We can’t afford to move anywhere else because there’s no jobs and rent is too high.

There are no club nights or live venues because licensing has become so restrictive you’d rather try and open your chest than a bar.

We can’t ‘just put something up on Spotify’ because we’ll get lost in the miasma of big pop chart artists vying for your attention on the home page.

No one can pay us enough to cover expenses for travelling to perform outside of our home town because everyone’s so skint no one bothers going out anymore. Oh did we mention? There’s no live venues open anyway.

Take your ‘new business models’ which you’ve managed to secure after years of support and investment and are used purely to give you more press and more exposure and more money, and shove them up your arse. Because I’m stuck in middle England and none of these ‘new business models’ are actual models of business at all.

As recited by any band ever in 2013 to Nicholas Burman

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